荡媚公熄乱文合集

Chapter 20 - Full Moon

Chapter 20: Full Moon

My arms feel as heavy as a thousand pounds.

Sweat is dripping all over my body.

I want to just drop everything and lie down right now. Yet, I clench my teeth and take another step forward.

What is it that keeps me going in such extreme conditions? It would be easier to give up, so why am I steadfastly enduring?

Is it because I am usually playing the role of Kang Joo-heon? Acting out his spirit of never giving up no matter what.

‘···That’s not it.’

If that were the case, this situation wouldn’t have happened in the first place. After all, he is a character who cannot stand anyone looking down on him, even at the brink of death.

Then what exactly

is supporting my legs right now?

“···Are you okay?”

Tap, tap, tap-

The gentle touch tapping on my skin. Kim Eun-ha carefully wiped the sweat off my forehead with her handkerchief.

Her voice is weaker than usual. Surely, she must feel sorry for me.

‘It’s unlike her.’

Kim Eun-ha today is different from usual. Even if coming to the broadcasting station was a strategic move for image improvement,

choosing to wear heels and climb a steep hill was a choice that didn’t suit her at all.

‘···So that was it.’

That’s when I realized what was supporting my legs. Right now, I am ‘worried’ about her.

Perhaps due to my family environment, I’ve been sensitive to others’ emotions from a young age, and this sensitivity only deepened as I studied people’s expressions and emotions for acting.

I can see through lies of nine out of ten ordinary people, and even for professionally trained actors or poker players, I get it right more than half the time.

‘···Unnecessarily perceptive.’

Kim Eun-ha is very skilled at hiding her expressions, but as the time we spent together increased, I eventually got used to it.

Even if I can’t precisely identify the emotion, I can tell that her emotions are fluctuating to a noticeable extent.

Thanks to this, I noticed her subtle changes, and that became the driving force behind my actions.

“I can walk on my own.”

“You’re struggling… Quiet…”

“···So stubborn.”

Tap, tap, tap-!

A bit more force entered the hand of Kim Eun-ha, who was wiping my sweat. Knowing well that I wouldn’t let myself be helped, she was doing her best in her own way.

“We’re almost there, just a little more strength.”

“······.”

I had no energy to respond.

Despite her relatively light weight for her height, she is still an adult woman.

According to my experience as a robust Korean youth who has served in the military, it felt like carrying a fully packed military backpack with personal firearms and everything else combined.

It’s killing me, but

I’m not about to collapse just yet.

“Just ten more steps!”

Kim Eun-ha’s voice, trying to boost my energy or forcibly raising the tension, tickled my ears.

Before I knew it, like during a march, I had my head down. She was leading the way and setting the direction instead of me.

“Ten! Nine! Eight!”

Thanks to Kim Eun-ha counting down, strength surged into my legs. The hope that just ten more steps would free me from this agony moved me.

“Seven! Six! Five!”

“······.”

“Four! Three! Two!”

Just one more step.

The summit is within sight.

I gathered all the strength in my body to take the last step. At the same time, I lifted my head and gasped for air. That was the plan, at least.

“One and a half!”

Cough-!

With a dying gasp, my body staggered. My legs almost gave out from this completely unexpected development.

Kim Eun-ha, not anticipating this either, hugged me tightly, pressing her body against mine.

I was about to fall, but with truly extreme mental strength, I barely managed to hold on.

“······.”

“I, I’m sorry! It wasn’t meant to be a joke, a real mistake! I didn’t calculate how the stride shortens as the slope increases!”

As I silently turned around, a flustered Kim Eun-ha quickly offered an apology. Judging by her unusually urgent voice, she seemed genuinely sorry.

“But we really are almost there! Look ahead!”

Kim Eun-ha grabbed my ears and turned my head forward. It was a gentle grip, lacking any force, but her actions were so adorable that I willingly turned my head.

Then, a rather magnificent nightscape unfolded before my eyes. I stepped forward as if I was enchanted by something.

“How is it? The view is nice, isn’t it?”

“···Indeed.”

I nodded in agreement.

Right in front of us, a fortress stretched along the road, and beyond it, the open view and the closely-packed night view of Seongbuk-dong captured our attention.

Especially since tonight was a full moon, a much larger and clearer full moon greeted us than usual.

“When I was a child, I used to come here often with my parents.”

Prompted by the nightscape, Kim Eun-ha began to share her story.

“On full moon nights, we would go for a walk after dinner together. My left hand was always held by mom, and my right by dad.”

“······.”

“And when I started whining about my legs hurting, my dad would carry me. Mom would poke my cheek, telling me not to bother her boyfriend.”

“Poking cheeks must be hereditary.”

“The consensus is that acquired traits aren’t inherited, you know?”

Poke, poke, poke-

Even as she said that, Kim Eun-ha playfully poked my cheek. The touch wasn’t unpleasant, so I quietly smiled.

“That was the happiest time for me. Unlike now, with succession battles and running a business, where every action and its meaning need to be calculated. The time when my parents indulged my whims.”

“······.”

“So, I was honestly a bit shocked when I heard what Woo-ju ssi said earlier. When you said, ‘This moment is the happiest for me,’ it felt like someone hit me on the head with a hammer.”

“···Is that so?”

“Yes.”

Swoosh-

After sitting up to view the nightscape, Kim Eun-ha leaned her body back against me once more.

This time, she buried her face completely against me, so I could feel her breath directly. Her warm breath tinged my neck red.

“Of course, I still feel the same. I feel the happiest about the time when my parents were alive. And it’s likely to stay that way in the future. However.”

“···However?”

“I started thinking that if I keep enduring, maybe one day I’ll also find happiness. Even if it doesn’t measure up to that time. Just a little. Very little.”

“······.”

Suddenly, Kim Eun-ha stretched her hand towards the full moon. As if she wanted to grasp it, she repeatedly clenched and unclenched her fist.

Of course, her hand would never reach the full moon. That’s something that no amount of effort could achieve.

Soon realizing this fact, Kim Eun-ha lowered her hand with a slightly bitter smile.

‘Ah···.’

Watching her, a memory suddenly flashed through my mind.

The spotlight I saw from the stage, left alone after everyone else had left. Even though I knew I couldn’t reach it, I mindlessly reached out to it back then.

“Would Eun-ha ssi be happy if she could touch that full moon?”

“?”

“Of course, she would be happy. But only for that moment. However, she could never be satisfied. Because then, Mars or Uranus or some other far-off planet would catch her eye.”

“······.”

“Then can we really call that happiness? Isn’t it just ‘pleasure’?”

Kim Eun-ha was silent.

Her hand, which had been wrapped around my neck, lost its direction and fidgeted as if she was deep in thought. After a pause, I carefully added,

“I think of happiness not in terms of intensity but frequency. There’s a phrase ‘more happiness’ in the world, but ‘more intense happiness’ sounds a bit odd, doesn’t it?”

“Frequency, not intensity…”

Kim Eun-ha repeated my words as if savoring them. Little by little, strength began to enter her hands.

“When do you usually feel happy, Woo-ju ssi?”

“Um, it’s really nothing special. Like when I suddenly look up and the sky is so clear, or when someone I meet on the street recognizes me?”

“···That’s really simple.”

“Ah! There’s also when I crack an egg into my ramen and it turns out to be a double yolk. That day, the broth feels twice as rich. And I feel much more satisfied.”

“Pfft-! What’s that about?”

Kim Eun-ha burst into laughter.

It seems she was expecting something grand. Of course, there are those grand moments, but the small joys have been what sustained my life up until now.

“Even now.”

“Huh?”

“Because I feel happy when Eun-ha ssi laughs. So, I try throwing lame jokes, and even go hiking in the middle of the night. Well, things like that.”

“Woo-ju ssi···.”

“I can’t feel my limbs anymore, though.”

Oops-

It seems she just realized that she was still being carried on my back.

A flustered Kim Eun-ha tried to get down quickly, but I didn’t let her go easily from my side.

“You can get on whenever you want, but getting off isn’t as easy.”

“It was half-forced when I first got on!”

“Ah, now that I think about it, that’s true.”

“Then please let me down quickly.”

“Let’s just stay like this for a bit more.”

“···You’re really strange, seriously.”

Sigh-

Kim Eun-ha sighed and let her body rely on me again. She must know that resisting any further would only make things harder for me.

Kim Eun-ha and I didn’t speak for a while.

We just blankly stared up at the full moon.

“…I’ll admit it.”

How much time had passed like that?

Kim Eun-ha murmured in a voice so soft I could barely hear. I wasn’t sure I had heard her correctly, so I asked again.

“What did you say?”

Kim Eun-ha’s lips came close to my ear. Her breath hit my eardrum like thunder.

Perhaps it was the wine we had in the evening. A sweet fruity scent emanated from her.

With the bright yellow full moon as a backdrop, drinking in her scent felt quite intoxicating, and I became a bit lightheaded.

“I said I’ll admit it.”

Given the situation, this time I heard her clearly. However, I still couldn’t fully comprehend what she was talking about.

Noticing my confusion, Kim Eun-ha took another breath. Then, very slowly, and in a clear voice, she whispered in my ear.

“That at least in this moment, I’m happy too.”

The full moon filled my view. Today, it seemed unusually bright and felt larger than usual.

Perhaps that’s why I had the premonition that this moment would take a long-standing place in my memory.

A day, a month, a year.

Maybe even a lifetime.

From now on, every time I see the moon, I’ll remember this moment, and Kim Eun-ha.